The Truth Behind the Chronicle
Article by: Aramé Retter (IRL: Joshua Black)
Everyone knows how to get published in the Chronicle. You just put it in the box outside Ed Pike’s dorm and, shadoop, shebop, shebang! Good ol’ Edward helps it find its way into the next issue. Or DOES HE????
Something’s fishy about that box. Have YOU ever seen him check it? I haven’t. And even ignoring that, when does he have the time to typeset everything? Have you SEEN his schedule? It’s almost like magic. Just last month, I snuck out at three in the morning just to slip in an old cafeteria receipt, and the very next morning, it’s on the third page of the Chronicle. Again, how?
That old cafeteria receipt is another thing. “Ed” shows no editorial discretion regarding what goes to print. Nobody is picking up the Chronicle to read my grocery bills (at least I hope). So why publish it? Does he think he can avoid responsibility for what he prints if he just prints everything? OR is there something deeper…? Could it be that Ed has nothing to do with the Chronicle?? Could it be that he’s a fraud??? I wouldn’t be surprised. Ladies and gentlemen, I can’t tell you who or what is behind the Rutnucker Chronicle, but it’s not Ed and I guarantee it.