Article by: Joseph Pail (IRL: Joshua Black)

Aramé Retter is no less a sensationalist than Ed Pike is a fraud. It amazes me that, in last issue’s “exposé”, she neglects the strongest evidences both for and against her position. In all her incoherent ramblings, she deliberately avoids reference to Pike’s co-editor and sister, Lauren, despite her being credited alongside him on the paper. Not only would her collaboration with Edward expedite editing time, it would account for the sporadic lack of editorial discretion that Retter points out; two editors means two different tastes and a more varied output.

However, while this may appear to be conclusive evidence that the Pikes are not frauds, but the honest editors of the Chronicle, appearances can be deceiving. Observant eyes may notice that, despite being the apparent editors and typesetters, they read each issue with the same new-eyed sincerity as any other reader. How could the editors read their own work for the first time, completely unaware of its contents? They simply cannot.

This leaves one question: How is it done? Who is their true shadow editor? And as there is only one question, there is only one answer: there is no ‘true shadow editor’. The only logical conclusion is that the dropoff box outside Ed Pike’s dorm is magical. This explains the “editors’” miraculous turnaround times, lack of knowledge of their own work, and baffling lack of editorial discretion.